For the last couple hours, I've been reading the journal in which I recorded our first round of foster care. From the first visit in the fall of 2007, through the time we were granted guardianship in 2010.
The grief she went through. The tears. The nightmares. So much for such a young child.
And then I think about who she is today. She has grown so much. She went from a toddler who they thought may never be able to attach to anyone, to a happy, loving 8 year old.
There are other things in the words written in those pages. So many emotions, mostly anger & frustration, at the system. But the one thing that I didn't remember is how soon Lil Sis came into the picture. Beautiful had only been with us for a few weeks when we were asked if we'd be willing to take her little sister at birth. In that entry I wrote "if the two of them can't have their family, they should definitely have each other."
So, I guess in some ways, the girls were always a package deal. The placement paperwork wasn't even filed yet before they asked us to commit to the new baby, as well (literally, as they moved her in without the proper paperwork & just back dated a week or so later). Perhaps that why it seemed so inconceivable to allow the girls to lose each other, once it came down to it.
Now, I'll be honest, I don't think I'll be able to just keep taking siblings, should their mother ever have any more. But it was always the goal to keep these two together & I still think that maintaining that is best for them, despite what my critics say.
In any event, I'm very glad that I kept the journal & I recommend it to all fost/adopt parents. There are details and observations that I had forgotten about my interactions with their bio family. Since most of them are pretty negative, the girls will probably be grown before I share them all, but it's part of their story & they are entitled to it, if they wish.
All in all, even though many of the entries were difficult to read, it reminded me of how far we've come...& it gave me hope that this round on the whole crazy foster care rollercoaster may have an end, at some point.