Friday, April 4, 2014

Bad News. Again.

I did not pass the Bar. Again. And I'm devastated.

My boss is baffled. He says he considers me to be a better lawyer than him...but the test is the test & I can't practice without it. He's promised that I have a job...for at least a few more months. But they only give the test once every 6 months, so...

I know everyone wants to be helpful...but please don't slip into helpful mode with me on this. I've already had more than my fill of "well did you do better this time?" & attempts at problem solving about how I might can fix this situation. None of it is helpful at this moment. I can't think about that right now.

The only thing I can think about is how to break the news to my children.

That stupid test is the only thing standing between me & security for my kids. And I can't seem to get past it. I mean, I knew tests are hard for me. But none have ever been this hard. And none have ever carried so much weight.

I feel lost & scared right now because my future & my ability to support my children feels very shaky at this moment. 

I haven't felt this low since the day I realized I was out of possessions to sell &  had to talk to my parents about possibly sending the kids to then & living in my van to finish school. But, I made it then & I will now. Somehow. 

And, no, I don't want to talk about it right now.

My son's birthday is tomorrow & I'm going to make it a good one for him. That's all I can do at this point.

2 comments:

  1. Well that just sucks. I hope you have a fun birthday party. Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete