Sunday, July 14, 2013

Wow...just, wow...

Over the weekend, my father tell me that, by allowing Lil Sis to live with us, I am risking my other children & that I "should send her back to the state, where she belongs..." "She has issues" & "a bad spirit that bothers her" (I'm a P.K., remember? So this makes sense to him.) and that, if she grows up to have mental problems, it could affect the other children. There were more specifics, but you get the general idea.

Wow...just, wow...

I've had a couple people ask how I was able to keep my composure. The answer is simple: dissociation.

In that moment, I was outraged by what was being said about this child, whom I love & am very protective of. However, at the same time, I also flashed back to being 15 & sitting in that same room, asking my parents for help in dealing with the issues that I was dealing with. I was told that asking for help was a weakness & not being able to just get over it (though we never actually had a real conversation about what had actually happened, either before or since) was the sign of a weak mind. I had been raised better than that, I was told. And, here I was hearing similar things being said about this innocent child.

My parents have come so far from being the people they were when I was growing up. However, apparently not as far as I thought, at least in some ways. Quite honestly, I don't know how to deal with this. I can't expose Lil Sis to this attitude & it won't be tolerated. Yet, navigating this will be complicated since I'm not in a place in my life to cut them out, completely, nor do I think that would be beneficial for The Bigs, who are very close to them.

So, what did I do, at the time? Emotionally, I was numb, at that moment. In fact, it took quite some time after the discussion ended in order to feel the resulting emotions. So, I handled it as I always do when I'm in that frame of mind--I became hyper-rational. I told him , matter-of-factly, that I understood he had concerns, but she is a person, not a used toy, so I wouldn't be casting her off because of "her issues" (which are very mild, btw). I don't know where this placement will end up, because foster care is unpredictable, but I will make the decisions that I feel are right for me & my children.

Then, I went on FB & cussed about it a little bit...and even more via text message, to my best friend.


  1. We can not respond to ignorance with anger, at least not the full fury that we fill. Otherwise we are a part of the problem instead of the solution. In the grand scheme of the Foster work, this has been a relatively short placement. I would say that also in light of how hectic your schedule has been your parents have not been able to spend a whole lot of time with lil sis yet. Based on your comment in the post about weakness he can't just tell you he is scared that he is afraid that the whole family is going to get hurt if she has to leave. So he is guarding his heart, because he does not know where this is going to end up either. In light of that he has not fallen head over heels in love with her like he has the other grandkids YET. I have seen your parents both of them with your kids, and have no doubt that they love them and are great for them.

    I also have no doubt that he is going to fall head over heals for lil sis. He just has to have some time to get over being scared to death!

    How could anyone not fall in love with her, she got my heart when we came to visit. lol

    1. I will add that he has not been happy upon learning about ANY of my kids. There was always a criticism (to put it lightly...attack would probably be more accurate) when he found out about how it wasn't the right time or SOMETHING or another...

      He loves them all now...I just don't want her hurt in the meantime.