Over the weekend, my father tell me that, by allowing Lil Sis to live with us, I am risking my other children & that I "should send her back to the state, where she belongs..." "She has issues" & "a bad spirit that bothers her" (I'm a P.K., remember? So this makes sense to him.) and that, if she grows up to have mental problems, it could affect the other children. There were more specifics, but you get the general idea.
I've had a couple people ask how I was able to keep my composure. The answer is simple: dissociation.
In that moment, I was outraged by what was being said about this child, whom I love & am very protective of. However, at the same time, I also flashed back to being 15 & sitting in that same room, asking my parents for help in dealing with the issues that I was dealing with. I was told that asking for help was a weakness & not being able to just get over it (though we never actually had a real conversation about what had actually happened, either before or since) was the sign of a weak mind. I had been raised better than that, I was told. And, here I was hearing similar things being said about this innocent child.
My parents have come so far from being the people they were when I was growing up. However, apparently not as far as I thought, at least in some ways. Quite honestly, I don't know how to deal with this. I can't expose Lil Sis to this attitude & it won't be tolerated. Yet, navigating this will be complicated since I'm not in a place in my life to cut them out, completely, nor do I think that would be beneficial for The Bigs, who are very close to them.
So, what did I do, at the time? Emotionally, I was numb, at that moment. In fact, it took quite some time after the discussion ended in order to feel the resulting emotions. So, I handled it as I always do when I'm in that frame of mind--I became hyper-rational. I told him , matter-of-factly, that I understood he had concerns, but she is a person, not a used toy, so I wouldn't be casting her off because of "her issues" (which are very mild, btw). I don't know where this placement will end up, because foster care is unpredictable, but I will make the decisions that I feel are right for me & my children.
Then, I went on FB & cussed about it a little bit...and even more via text message, to my best friend.