Sunday, April 22, 2012

Since everyone seems to think it's their business...

I've always been a private person. The way I figure it, my drama is my problem & there's no reason to share it with the entire world. For that reason, I've kept the details about my personal life (especially my divorce) to a minimum. Sometime, though, even I get tired of the rumors & the B.S. that won't seem to die. I want so much to protect my children from it &, quite honestly, my good friends are getting pretty damn tired of being interrogated about me at every turn. So, here's what I have to say about it:

I refuse to be one of those people that bad mouths the ex. Regardless of what happened, or whether the favor is returned. My primary concern is, & always has been, the best interest of my children. It would not be in their best interest of the 3 children from my marriage for me to run down their father. Regardless of how involved he is or is not, the fact that he is their father makes him important to them & I don't have the right, as their mother, to do anything that might erode that. Besides that, I try to be a decent human being & I can find much more productive things to do with my time than run my mouth about someone.

As for what has been said about me, I find the rumors to be a bit funny at times. It's actually surprising that so many people that know me (&, therefore, should know better) believe this stuff, even for a moment. I don't have nearly enough time to cover them all, but I will respond to the ones that my friends keep getting questioned about.
  • I did not abandon my husband & children to live "the life I want". The truth is, we were together & in agreement when the decision was made for me to go to law school. This degree, and the opportunities it will bring, is necessary to ensure our kids are cared for.
  • I am not now, nor have I ever been, a “bar whore”. I don't even like bars. The few times I have gone out to a bar, it was on nights that I wasn't going to have my kids with me anyway. The bar is certainly not important enough for me to trade time with my kids just for that.
  • My marriage did not end because I moved to be with another man because I got pregnant. In actuality, we have been apart since mid-2010. The baby was just born January 2012. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to have my new son & the older kids love him very much...but he isn't what brought my marriage to an end.
  • My older children are not, & never have been, kept away from their father. They have their own phones so that he can call them & they can call him whenever they want. All it takes for him to see them is a phone call to make a plan. I believe that it is a GOOD thing for the kids to spend time with their father & try to accomodate that whenever possible.
The truth is, I loved being married. I didn't marry planning to divorce. I sincerely believed that we would be together forever. Unfortunately, life didn't work out that way. We had a wonderful relationship for a little over a decade. No matter how you look at it, it's hard to call that many happy years “a failure”. I will not, however, apologize for continuing with my life & doing the best I can to care for my children. I love them all so very much. When I look into their faces every morning & every night, I feel like all is right with the world. My life is perfect as long as I have my kids.


Now...y'all can stop calling my friends & asking them about me. If you want to know something, ask ME. I've never been one to hide what I'm doing. I figure that, if you're going to be ashamed of doing something, then don't do it. When I'm big enough to do something, I'm big enough to own that decision.